1. Go into the pet store and ask them which puppy or kitten would taste the best.

2. Go into the pet store and ask if cats are better well done or medium rare.

3. Go into the pet store and ask if a human can get a dog pregnant, then go on to ask about sexually transmitted diseases and ask if they are possible, if they say "yes" then say, "what about a poodle?"

4. Go into pet store with minnow pail and ask for two scoops of goldfish. Make sure you have a "I Love Fishing" hat or t-shirt, have a fish hook on you hat, and talk about how you made a killing the other day using goldfish.

5. In a bookstore, ask if any of the naughty magazines have "stick proof" pages.

6. Put elmers glue in between some pages of a naughty magazine and try returning it claiming that it didn't satisfy you.

7. Ask them if the have condoms for a dog or cat. Also ask them if u can get them ribbed, scented, colored, lubricated, or even flavored.

8. If the mall has many restaurants, get a Big Mac or some other popular burger and eat it in Subway or some other non burger joint.

9. Find a dirty store that sells sex toys and ask them if you can rent a vibrator for the weekend. Because, much like a car, you wanna take it for a "test drive" before blowing your wad on the machine.