Just Plain Stupid

This is actually true: We had two dogs who ate pretty much anything. We once filled their dog dish full of acorns and they ate them right up. If one dog threw up, the other ate it. If one dog shit, they'd either eat their own shit or the other dog would eat the shit. One time we got this really cheap dog food at a store that sells used and slightly damaged types of things. The food smelled a lot like soap, but they ate it. Then once we got some generic type of dog food that was on sale and neither dog would even touch it. It sat there two days, neither dog would eat it. If they'd eat vomit, shit, and soapy dog food just fine, then what the hell was in that other food that made it that bad? If it tasted like shit, they would've ate it, so it must be worst than shit.

New Friskies or some other damn cat food company has food with "REAL" carnation milk. As though your cat needs to eat better than you do.

Have you ever noticed that all pet foods "taste better than before." And they found out how exactly?

Why do they always have pictures on steak on the damn bag of food? I doubt the food actually has anything resembling steak in it at all. So showing the steak makes it appealing to humans? But the dog eats it. Makes sense right?

They now have "Flame Broiled" Alpo Dog food. Is that really necessary? My dogs would eat shit in a can, flame broiled or not!

Now the Iams company has come out with gravy you can pour on your pets food, to make it taste better of course. Who the fuck cares? I mean, pour liquid shit on their damn food, most pets won't notice the difference.


Now they have Carb Options Peanut Butter. The difference is that it had 5 grams of carbs per serving instead of 7. For crying out loud, when is this shit gonna end?

On a commercial, I saw an ad saying that a SIDE EFFECT to a pill to help you sleep is drowsiness. You don't say? The other side effects were diarrhea and dizziness. That's just what I want when I'm taking a pill to help me sleep. I'll be so tired, then have diarrhea, that's a recipe for disaster if there ever was one. "I'm so damn tired, I gotta
get to the bathroom, and FAST!! And now I'm so dizzy too.
Nothing to worry about.

I honest to god got asked this EXACT question at a GROCERY store where I worked at: An older lady approached me and asked, "Where do you keep your nut cups at?" I began to wonder if she actually meant what I thought. I paused for a few seconds, then she said, "You know, the little demo cups you put peanuts in." Oh, of course that's what she meant...That had to be the most poorly worded thing I've heard yet. To add to that, I'm trying to keep a straight face and she appeared to be as serious as can be. Also she was my former principal in school. I should've said, "Sorry, we don't have a sporting goods section." Or "What size of nut cup are you looking for?" Or "I assume this if for your son?"

I once had to clean up a piece of shit on the floor in the women's bathroom at work. Apparently, someone missed. It was sticky and green, so it was great. Here's my theory: Old fat lady takes a shit. When she stands up a rather large cling-on dislodges itself from her ass and proceeds to slide down the outside of the toilet and onto the floor. Now does she know it happened? Probably. But just too lazy to bend over and try to clean it up. It's just a theory, and yes, I thought this all out.

In the men's bathroom there was shit splattered all over the wall. And we think it was this handicapped guy who has an electric wheelchair. His electric wheelchair was sitting outside the bathroom for about an hour, so that bastard probably was to blame.

Here's my question for these individuals (or anyone who has done this) Assuming these were accidents and not done on purpose, How in the hell do you miss the fucking toilet taking a shit??? I mean you're sitting down for god's sake, or you should be at least. For me to do what they did would take some fancy leg work or something. What kind of position would you have to be in to miss the toilet and get the walls behind you, especially when you're confined to a wheelchair? Surely he didn't stand there the whole time.

When my Grandpa died, we had to arrange everything, pick the coffin, etc. One of the coffins had a 30 year warranty. Now here's why this is great:

After 29 years we are going to dig up the coffin just to ensure the quality of it. Should we be unsatistied, we will get our money back so we can get a new coffin for the lifeless skeleton that still remains (we wouldn't want the skeletal remains to be uncomfortable now would we?) Because the last thing we want is any uncomfort for the dead body that lies inside. Don't want any water getting in or have it get cold or something. I mean, that would be so uncomfortable. Just imagine how you'd feel if after 29 years of being dead, the coffin in which you were laid to rest in sprung a leak!?

As far as I'm concerned, bury me in a shitty cheap box with a 3 hour warranty. I won't get mad or offended, because I CAN'T! For gods sake, why waste your money on a box that will be buried for life? The person's deceased body will never know if they're buried in a $5,000 coffin or a $10 cardboard box. A warranty on a coffin is like giving prisoners viagra, completely unnecessary. I mean who's gonna check to see if the coffin is still holding up, I mean really?

After Gary Sheffield violently shoved a fan after being brushed by the fan, in the post game interview, he referred to how he composed himself so great and showed good self restraint. After he hit the guy of course...