1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, I didn't realize that my radar detector wasn't on.

3. Aren't you the guy from the village people?

4. Hey you must have been going 125mph just to keep up with me.

5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a cop.

6. Bad cop! No donut!

7. You're gonna check the trunk, aren't you?

8. I was going to be a cop, really, but I decided to finish high school.

9. I pay your salary.

10. That's terrific, the last guy only gave me a warning also.

11. Is that a 9mm? It's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

12. What do you mean, have I been drinking? You're a trained specialist.

13. Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

14. By the looks of that gut, I bet I can outrun you.

15. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

16. Is it true people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

17. I was trying to keep up with traffic.

18. Yes, I know there are no other cars around—that's how far they are ahead of me.

19. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodge between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.